Note: this is a part of our Boss of Me series, addressing 10 common midlife mindset traps head on, and what to do about them. If this limiting belief is a challenge for you in moving ahead, I'm offering complimentary "Mirror Your Brilliance" sessions - 45 minutes to focus on you and mirror back some insight. Now through Jan 19. Spaces are limited so book your session now: Schedule my session
This is #3 of 10 of our special free daily Boss of Me series to help you take action around some common midlife challenges.
How often to do you say: "I can't decide"?
With all due respect, I’m calling BS on me and you and everyone.
By this time in our lives, we already know what to do 99% of the time. Once I start weighing pros and cons I know I’ve lost my edge.
I spent years in limbo on several major decisions. Here is the truth: it does not keep you safe. It kills your self-confidence, your momentum, and it can seriously damage relationships.
I am reading a book called Relentless by Tim Grover, who was Michael Jordan’s trainer of 15 years. He also worked with the biggest players in the NBA. He spent his career steeped in the most extreme male energy outside of the military.
This is ironic, no? I’m building a platform to exponentially increase female energy in the world and I’m channeling total cave man energy.
Or am I? There were cave women, too, no? And I don’t think they sat on the nearest comfy boulder wringing their hands over choices. In those days it was decide or get eaten.
If your female ancestor didn’t decide and act, she was one thing - prey. She and her kids ended up lunch for something with an empty belly and big fangs in the bushes.
Back to that in a sec.
My secret motto for 2016 was, Just f***ing do it. I shared this secret with my daughter Jessie one day when she was overthinking a decision.
When I visited her in London recently, her inspiration board included the phrase "Just f***ing do it."
What to DO
These tips have worked for me and others:
Watch Jim Carrey’s Yes Man. Its become one of my New Year rituals. Jessie and I have watched it together about 6 times. Its funny AF and the message is spot on.
If you have an inspirational idea, take action on it within 5 seconds and you’ll totally turbo charge your life.*
This works best when we know who we are and why we are here. This is great news for us - because guess what, we know a thing or two. More than we give ourselves credit for.
If you truly are stuck, try this:
Ask yourself 1: Am I trying to decide about something that hasn’t happened yet? If so, that’s a common mind trap, start refusing to fall into it.
Ask yourself 2: Do I have to decide this right now, right this second? I must have asked myself that question a thousand times about leaving my marriage when we were in counseling a few years ago. Although my marriage eventually did end, the answer at that time was, no. I was committed to the counseling process, so I did not have to decide “what to do about my marriage” that day, other than stay with it, and the discomfort, and learn what I was there to learn.
Before you check with your gut:
People say, check with your gut. Yes and no.
When I’m trying to make a hard decision my gut is usually screaming with fear.
Why? Because I waited too long to decide. I let in lots of doubt and fear to keep me from doing anything. This is our brain's back-assward way of keeping us “safe”. The thing in the bushes with fangs and an empty belly is curled up and chewing at the pit of my stomach.
Try this experiment -
If you are stuck on a decision, check your gut. Its probably saying NONONONONO.
That’s no place to decide from.
Mediate, go for a run, scream in your pillow - do something to jolt your psyche and throw a big rock at the wild animal in your campsite. Breathe in and feel strong and safe. Send it slinking back into the bushes.
Do this until you can feel your inner core more than the buzzing in your head.
Now, do a gut check. What is the whisper, the sensation behind the voice yelling in the corner?
Can you take a small step in that direction to test the waters?
I did this with my dilemma about my marriage. Instead of leaving my husband at that time, I took a solo trip from Texas to Northern California to attend an adult cello camp in the Redwoods. I experienced a Call there that completely changed the course of my life and put me on the path I was supposed to be on. By taking action, I received the clarity that had eluded me all those times I sat on the couch in tears, trying to “decide.”
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