Think of someone you know who self-sabotages.
When they are facing a risk, or a difficulty getting to the next level of a stretch goal or life change, how do they they distract themselves in the moment and never quite get around to the next milestone?
Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CARD) says "Turns out there are many reasons why, instead of shooting for the moon, we end up aiming right for our foot. Self-sabotage is any action that gets in the way of your intent."
Now, think about yourself. How do you get in your own way and stay there? I offer several common examples later in the post; I have used each one at some point. You may be able to relate.
But first let’s look at Why do we do this:
We are afraid. Of what?
So how do we go all crazy on your dream and get that premium pass to spend some time bingeing on the possibilities and making passionate progress?
I have a theory that one reason the motivation industry thrives in the US is because we have an individualistic culture. Our starting point is with the individual. We fail and think its because we need more self-motivation, self-discipline, knowledge, etc.
But I am pretty self motivated and I believe the main reason its almost impossible to make consistent progress by yourself is this: Lack of accountability to someone other than ourselves.
In other countries and cultures - think of China, Mexico, India - the starting point is with the group - family, friends, associates. In Mexico, doing anything by yourself is pretty rare. Shopping for new undies? The whole family comes along. Starting a new business? Talk to every cousin you have, and their cousins and friends. You’ll find what you need launch in a week based on what and who they know.
So to wrap all this up:
In our culture, we have to create accountability for ourselves. We have to “nurture our alliances”, “build our teams”, “recruit others to our mission”.
Or maybe just find a friend or group of friends.
Finding an accountability buddy will help mirror back to you how you get in our own way. Once you push past the resistance to quit, the reason you wanted to try in the first place gets clearer and clearer.
Our Mirror Your Brilliance circles are an excellent option for women who are truly ready to stop kidding themselves and want to get started on what is next.
If "what is next" isn’t clear, we can help. Sign up for a one-on-one session where I will mirror your brilliance and also facilitate a Dream Speed Date - you’ll come away with renewed enthusiasm, a first draft picture of your Big Picture and 3 immediate actions steps.
This offer ends on January 19, which is in 2 days by the way.
Sign up for your Mirror Your Brilliance session HERE
You will receive an immediate email confirmation with more details.
OK see you tomorrow, when we close with a doozy -
Boss of Me Series #10 - I Feel Invisible.
Big Love, Kala
Got time for one more?
Boss of Me Series #8 - I'm Worried About Money
Reference link to good article about self-sabotage: